Throughout our lives, we constantly encounter and interact with other people. Our brains are essentially wired to read and predict others' thoughts and feelings. For instance, if an elderly person stumbles down the street on a hot day and appears as if they're about to fall, most of us would instinctively notice, rush to grab them, and ask, “Are you okay?” Similarly, if you're thirsty after a workout and see that there aren't enough water bottles for everyone, you might suggest, “Let's share a cup,” so everyone can have a drink. This ability to anticipate others' thoughts, feelings, choices, and behaviors is one of the most vital functions of the human brain.

Acting with others' needs in mind is more common in most brains than we realize, even when we don't consciously try. A 2018 study by researchers in the Netherlands (Lemmers-Jansen et al., 2018) found that people frequently engage in spontaneous collaborative behaviors that don't require much effort, even when the other person may not particularly need or appreciate them. For instance, if a family is spreading jam on bread and there are three packets of strawberry jam and only one of blueberry jam left, most parents will choose strawberry jam for themselves. Even though the children might not prefer the blueberry jam, parents often make this choice because they believe giving their kids more options is considerate.

What’s interesting is how the brains of people who make these small choices differ from those who never make them.

First, the brains of those who chose to be considerate showed more activation in the “mentalizing” network, a region that allows us to imagine ourselves in another person's shoes. The ability to imagine how we would feel in a given situation from another person's perspective is called mentalizing, and this network is a key area of the brain for "cognitive empathy." Empathy is broadly divided into "emotional empathy" and "cognitive empathy": emotional empathy is based on mirroring—the ability to see another person's emotions (e.g., pain or anger) and immediately feel them themselves—and is something most people born with, while cognitive empathy, represented by mentalizing, is primarily learned and developed through the experience of interacting with others. In other words, we need to practice consciously putting ourselves in others' shoes to make more caring choices.

Second, the caring people's choices were mostly made quickly, like an automatic reflex, without much thought or calculation. The areas of the brain responsible for thought, judgment, and calculation were not activated; instead, automatic networks that control behavior unconsciously were engaged. In contrast, the brains of people who made inconsiderate choices showed more activation in the frontal lobe, the part of the brain involved when we think and make judgments about ourselves, and they hesitated longer. This phenomenon was also highlighted in a study from Princeton University (Rand et al., 2012), which found that when people need to make quick decisions with limited time, they tend to default to collaboration, whereas when given more time to think and weigh options, they are more likely to make selfish and egocentric choices. In other words, caring choices are more often made by those who have conditioned themselves to make them automatically, without overthinking.

Finally, mentalizing is known to be impaired in brains affected by depression, burnout, or mental illnesses like Borderline Syndrome. This is also true for stress-related conditions such as PTSD, suggesting that a wounded brain has more difficulty making caring choices by default. This is quite unfortunate, as it creates a cycle: the less care and empathy we experience around us, the more emotionally wounded we become, and the more wounded we are, the harder it becomes to show care and empathy. It's a vicious cycle.

What can we do about it? We need to practice caring more often in our daily lives before our hearts break. In a world that seems to value avoiding confrontation, shirking responsibility, and evading difficult situations at all costs, it’s more important than ever to integrate small acts of kindness into our daily habits—doing them without hesitation and question.

Chang Dong-seon is the CEO of Curious Brain Lab and resides in Seoul. He studied Biology at Uni Konstanz, Neuroscience at the International Max Planck Research School, and Cognitive Science at Rutgers University. Chang's career includes roles as an Assistant Professor at Hanyang University and a Researcher at the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics. He also served as the Head of the Future Technology Strategy Team at Hyundai Motor Group. His extensive expertise spans biology, neuroscience, and cognitive science. This column was originally published in Segye Ilbo in Korean on Aug. 21, 2024. -- Ed.