The string of sad news over the past few weeks has been so aching and painful that, at times, I could hardly go about my daily routine.

I've cried with friends and acquaintances who've lost family and friends in tragic events, been devastated by the tragic death of an elementary school child that should never have happened, and then learned of the sudden death of someone close to me who I was supposed to meet in a few days, and I've spent the week feeling like my brain is foggy.

How does the brain experience grief and loss? Losing a loved one causes major changes in the brain.

In the short term, the brain reacts to the news of loss much more than we may realize. The amygdala goes into overdrive, and negative emotions like fear and anxiety take over, while other brain regions that respond to threat signals set off a chain reaction, sending signals from the hypothalamus to the pituitary gland to the adrenal cortex, which in turn releases large amounts of stress hormones. However, the activity of the prefrontal lobe and the entorhinal cortex is suppressed, creating a dull “brain fog” that temporarily makes it difficult to think and clouds judgment.

In the long term, many of the circuits in the brain are urgently reorganized, and in the process, many areas of the brain are not functioning as they should, which can manifest as trauma.

When you see or meet someone you like and care about, a reward circuit is triggered in your brain. Seeing that person or hearing their voice makes you feel good because the brain's lateral geniculate nucleus releases dopamine in response to this stimulus, which the brain views as a positive reward.

When someone you love and adore dies, however, your brain doesn't recognize this at first, and it keeps looking for cues related to that person. It's like a patient in an addiction clinic who craves the object of their addiction: they want to see the face and hear the voice of the person who brought them so much joy in their painful state.

However, when they see the remaining photos or hear the voice, these stimuli do not trigger the reward circuitry. Instead, they over-activate the amygdala, causing negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, and anxiety, to overwhelm them. It's like you keep wanting to see the dead person, but at the same time, you feel sick, sad, and angry, like your heart is breaking just hearing about them.

After a while, the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that thinks and makes judgments, returns to function, and you may wake up from your stupor, or you may become overly preoccupied with a particular thought and find it hard to stop thinking about it, spinning endless “if only I had done something differently” scenarios. This state of over-activation of emotions and thoughts under extreme stress can lead to a state of extreme depression and lethargy, as the brain has no energy left to activate any emotions or thoughts.

How should you get out of the pain and grief of loss?

The brain needs to overcome the broken connections and make new ones, and it needs to be able to feel emotions normally and properly. In other words, you need to help your brain meet people and have new experiences, not just withdraw from food and drink and stay isolated. You need to keep your grief intact but allow your brain to experience a range of emotions, not just be overwhelmed by negative feelings.

‘Am I allowed to laugh?’ ‘Isn't it wrong to just go on with my life?’ It's natural to have these thoughts immediately after experiencing the pain of a loss, but it's not healthy to feel this kind of guilt.

There are many ways to mourn. One of the oldest is singing and dancing. "Lied," which means “song” in German, comes from the same root as leid, which means “sadness.” The English word "dance" and the German word "tanz" come from the 12th-century Franconian word "dintje," which means “to tremble, to shake.”

Singing and dancing originated from overcoming sadness, grief, and trembling, and in a way, it is natural to sing and dance in the saddest and most grievous moments. When we sing and dance, our brains feel connected to others and can create new restorative neural circuits. When we can laugh and make noise in our daily lives, even for a moment, we have the foundation to fully feel the emotions of grief.

Silence and solemnity are not the only ways to grieve.

If we impose this on everyone, it can make it harder for our brains to recover. Singers should be able to sing, and dancers should be able to dance. We should be able to laugh sometimes, even if our hearts are sad. It's not reprehensible to go through life in silence; it's admirable. We must get back on our feet amid the pain.

May we live a better life for those who have left us. May we make a better world.

Chang Dong-seon is the CEO of Curious Brain Lab and resides in Seoul. He studied Biology at Uni Konstanz, Neuroscience at the International Max Planck Research School, and Cognitive Science at Rutgers University. Chang's career includes roles as an Assistant Professor at Hanyang University and a Researcher at the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics. He also served as the head of the Future Technology Strategy Team at Hyundai Motor Group. His extensive expertise spans biology, neuroscience, and cognitive science. This column was originally published in Segye Ilbo in Korean on Feb. 19, 2025. -- Ed.